how do you describe the feeling when you're watching someone you know slowly slip further and further into the horizon, under a giant, flashing neon sign that says, "LOST CAUSE"? how do you describe the feeling of knowing that your friend is unreachable? how do you describe the numbness that occurs when you look in someone's eyes, and you realize that there is nothing left inside of them?
have you ever known anyone who was just so unbearably sad that you actually considered that their suicide attempt might have been justified? is it possible that there are people who are just too sad to live in this world? is it possible that maybe some people are just meant to die young and save themselves?
i'm trying to come to terms with a good friend of mine who recently swallowed an undetermined amount of morphine in an attempt to end it all. i'm trying to understand where they're coming from--i'm making up reasons and creating stories and trying to make everything make sense. i'm trying to grasp the situation entirely, and i'm trying not to be too sad. i don't want to bury my friend--not even in the slightest--but sometimes i feel like this earth is too small for them, anyways.
if i could sit down with them, and they could justify why they feel like they just don't belong among us anymore, i think i could accept it. i really do.
Sunday, November 30, 2008
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i keep re-reading this. in hopes that something inspiring or comforting or insightful will come to me and i'd be able to share that with you. i wish that were the case. its unfortunately not.
i find it sad that people are able to reach the point of being a 'lost cause' and i'm not disagreeing and saying that people don't reach there, for they most certainly do. for not knowing how to describe it, you seem to say it eloquently. its hard for us to finding meaning in this world, and not everyone can, or some people find it and lose it. i think once they've lost it, that its impossible(or nearly so) to regain.
i'm sorry to hear about whats happening love. all i have to offer is my love and hugs, and the understanding that sometimes we just aren't meant to understand everything. <3
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